All I know about the rain (I learnt from keeping dry)
by Arriane.Isobel
Summary: Deciding that falling in love with his presumably straight best friend was worst thing he could possibly do, Merlin runs. But some things were just meant to be. Modern AU


There were moments that made you realise that life might never be the same again. When his mother died, Merlin hid away in his childhood room for a week before deciding to live again, but life was never the same. There was a hole where his mother's love had been, never to be filled again.

Now, he stood at the entrance of the pub, he watched Arthur, who was golden and pure as sunlight on a hot summer's day. Arthur who had stood by him through the shittiest times. His white smile and gentle touch. Merlin couldn't wait to get to the pub to see Arthur, who had a rare day off.

He stood and just watched Arthur for a minute; it had been so long since he'd last seen him. He got that feeling in his gut, a warm fuzzy feeling that he realised with a start, watching him laugh, his blue eyes crinkled with genuine delight that he was in love. He was in love with his straight best friend.

Merlin had never said that he liked men, why would he? He'd never had a serious boyfriend. But now, as he watched Arthur flirt with Vivian, a pretty blond_ girl, _he couldn't go over there. He couldn't sit and face Arthur talk about his latest conquest when he'd just realised he was completely and utterly fucked.

So, like the coward he is, he backed out the door, right back to his apartment, where he packed his bare essentials into a shitty rucksack and the rest into the back of his car. He dropped the keys to his landlord, who simply shrugged and shuffled back into his house.

He took the stuff he didn't need to his uncle Gaius, and walked to the train station, and got the next train to Wales.

The ride to Cardiff was ridiculous. It was unnecessarily packed and clammy as the man next him was practically sitting on his lap. As he watched the grey clouds roll endlessly across the horizon, his thoughts drifted to Arthur. He wandered if he'd miss Merlin, or if he'd be too busy to miss him. The latter seemed more likely. He'd just got a new job in the hospital, working in A&E. He loved the job, but he was never around anymore.

The train slowly vacated as he got closer to Cardiff. A pretty red haired girl sat next to him, they talked aimlessly, said her brother worked in futures, what that meant, he wasn't sure. As the stop for Cardiff was announced, he picked up his bag and smiled. He could have sworn he could see himself in her haunted sea green eyes as they both said goodbye.

Without much knowledge of Cardiff, or what he was going to do now that he was there, he went into a bar, ordering a whiskey and sitting along in a booth. He checked his phone, no new messages. He sighed, going onto facebook; he went onto Arthur's profile. Looking at his bright eyes and shining smile. He deleted his profile without a second thought, he was better off this way.

The waitress stared and asked him "Can I get you something else?"

He stared at his bag, and said "Yeah, I'll have one more whiskey – then one more after that. Thanks"

Four Whiskeys later, he wasn't as drunk as he'd like, but he checked into a little bed and breakfast and lay down on the hard mattress and thought about the day he left behind him, the loved ones and the memories.

Sleep was thin and pitiful, but it eventually came. At breakfast, he sat with the paper looking at jobs and apartments. He circled a few, and went to a local library, printing off his CV and sending it out. Luckily, he still had enough money in his account for a month's worth of rent, so he made some phone calls, and went to see an apartment.

The first flat was dreadful. Truly. The shower was a hosepipe with a shower head on; you had to connect it to the sink to have a shower.

The second flat was better, but still not liveable. It was tiny and creaking and old. There was a bath in there, which was good, but he could have sworn the cockroaches were trying to band together to spell _help us_.

The third flat was the best by far. It was relatively new and ready furnished, and just within his price range. He paid the deposit with a chunk of his savings, and moved in the next day with his pitiful belongings.

The good thing about having lived in London for so long was that the businesses were great. The second companies in Cardiff saw who he had previously worked for, and with a good reference, he had 2 interviews in the first week he was there.

Maybe life in Cardiff wasn't going to be too bad. He got a job not far from where he lived. He brought a push bike to get to and from work, and vowed to save enough money for a motorbike and lessons.

His job was good, great, even. The people were friendly, and soon he was going out with them. They were a little cold at first, until they found out he was a native welsh, they took a shine to him.

He'd been living in Cardiff for a month, when he sat watching the news in his apartment. He couldn't complain about his life there, his job paid well, he had friends, a social life, a nice flat, but something was missing. Something golden and bright and too conservative for its own good.

He missed Arthur, hell, he missed everyone. Like a hole in his chest where his old life was. He'd set himself into a mind numbing routine to take away the pain of what he left behind.

But the hardest part of missing Arthur was that he was never his. He saw him in the golden morning sunlight that threatened to blind him on his way to work every morning. In the doctors hanging out outside the hospital, waiting for their shift to start. In his dreams, where he didn't let him get away.

The pub, for once wasn't completely crowded. Only slightly. Arthur had a rare day off, and planned on using it well. Since he had a night shift the next day, he used his time to go and get pissed, something he hadn't done since being a cocky student.

Naturally, Gwaine was the first to join him, then Lance and Elyan. Girls swamped them; something about doctors apparently did it for girls. Vivian was practically sitting on his lap, but he was distracted. He was waiting for Merlin, who was late as bloody usual. He hadn't seen him in over two weeks because of his stupid new schedule, but he promised he was coming tonight, said he was looking forward to it. But he was nearly two hours late now, which was later than late for Merlin.

He debated ringing him, when Gwaine insisted on doing shots.

He woke up with a raging hangover, courtesy of Gwaine of course. He checked his phone, 9am, great. He rolled out of bed and took a shower, before suddenly realising that he hadn't seen Merlin the night before, which was odd. He never missed things, he was late, but he never just didn't show up.

Grabbing his phone, he dialled Merlin number, but it went straight to answer phone.

"Merlin you idiot" He muttered, getting dressed, he decided to just go to Merlin's apartment, since he didn't work Saturdays, and Arthur didn't have to be in work until 10pm.

He banged on the door, but got no answer. Worry clawed art his chest. Maybe he'd just fell asleep last night and let his phone die.

"You looking for the dark haired bloke?" Someone asked him from his right. Arthur spun around to see a boy, maybe about 17 leaning against the wall.

"Yeah, Merlin. You seen him?" Arthur asked with a raised eyebrow.

"He moved out yesterday; saw him lugging boxes to his car. The landlord came yesterday to clear the place out"

"He can't have moved out" Arthur snapped, the boy just shrugged.

"Whatever" He said, and brushed past him.

The kid was mistaken, surely? Merlin couldn't have just moved out without telling him?! He wouldn't, couldn't!

He phoned around, no one knew, he decided to drive to Gaius', to see if he knew. Surely he'd just moved to a new place in London? Maybe there was something wrong with his place that meant he had to move out quickly. That had to be it.

Gaius just sighed, and moved to the side to let Arthur in. "He's gone, my boy. Said he was going to clear his head a bit, what of, I'm sure I don't know. It's not like him to just take off like that"

"No, it isn't, did something happen? At work, maybe?"

"I don't know, Arthur, but I don't think he's coming back anytime soon. I'll keep you updated if I hear anything."

"Thank you, Gaius" Arthur nodded as he went back to his car. He sat there for a moment, feeling empty and cold. His best friend, gone without a trace. Just packed his bags and left. Why didn't he talk to him, tell him what was going on? He could have helped, would have helped had Merlin given him half a chance! He's seemed fine when he'd text him, hours before going to the pub! What could have happened in such a short amount of time for Merlin to disappear?

Girl trouble, maybe? No. That wasn't it. He wasn't interested in anyone, he never was! He was always pestering Merlin about anyone new in his life; the man would just simply shrug and laugh it off.

Maybe it was him, neglecting him? No, that couldn't be it! Merlin had been the one to convince him to take the new job, crappy hours and all! Had threatened not to speak to him again if he didn't take the job!

Maybe he just felt like he didn't belong. Whatever it was, Arthur wished he was here with him now, that he could take away whatever pain he felt.

Merlin had literally dropped off the surface of the earth, and Arthur felt lost without his best friend. Sure, he had Gwaine and Lance and Leon, but they weren't Merlin. They didn't have his quirky sense of humour; they didn't send him stupid pictures of cats in the middle of the night when he was on a late shift, or text him something stupid that someone had said on the tube. They weren't him.

Merlin had deleted his facebook, his phone went straight to voicemail, and not even Gaius knew where he was.

So, here he sat nursing a bear after a particularly long shift at work. He'd lost a little girl, only 12 years old. Hit by a car, serious head injuries that she just didn't wake up from. He had to break the news to her parents, who cried and begged and pleaded for it not to be true. Her brother and sister just stared at him like they didn't understand what he was saying, the youngest questioning why she wasn't waking up.

It was days like this that he really hated his job.

He brought another beer, and another, and another. Until he lost count. A man who introduced himself as Cenred sat next to him. He was tall and slender with dark hair and dark eyes. He kissed him with a tenderness that made him forget everything, the little girl, the crying parents, Merlin, hell he forgot his name. It was exactly what he needed.

He stumbled home, and sat up drinking half a bottle of whiskey, before passing out on the sofa.

Merlin ran his hand across the slick leather seat. It was beautiful, truly. He'd worked damned hard for this, he deserved it. It was a shiny blue Suzuki motorbike. He'd passed his test first time, only taking a couple of months. Who knew, something he was actually good at!

Pulling on the helmet and zipping up his leathers, he sped off. He loved the rush, the adrenaline that rushed through him. The world passed by him in a blur, and all too soon, he was at work.

His job was the kind of mind numbing paperwork that he loved. He had no desire to do something more risky, more exciting. That was what the motorbike was for. He felt safe in his job. The company did well, and there was no risk of his losing his job, he was good at this, trained for this. He wasn't like Arthur, who desired something different every day, liked not knowing what would happen when he got to work. No day was the same for him.

He missed him still, not the white hot pain like it was before, just a constant ache, like when he saw a picture he thought Arthur might like, or someone said something stupid and he had the urge to text him and tell him. But he couldn't do that. He didn't have Arthurs number in his new phone.

So, he got on with his life, like he knew he should.

He went with Elena to a bar that night. He loved the atmosphere like he never did in London. They bought drinks and settled down on one of the sofas, chatting about anything and everything that came to their minds. He liked that about Elena, it was easy to just talk. She was bright and bubbly and energetic. The conversation never ran dry, and they always had a good time.

"So how's the bike going? I have to admit, Merlin, motorbikes, very sexy" She grinned, waggling her eyebrows.

"I agree" A voice said. They both looked up to see a man looking at them. He was pale, with a mop of curly dark hair and pale eyes. He smiled kindly. "Mind if I join you?"

"Please" Elena said enthusiastically. Merlin laughed at her.

"I'm Mordred" He said, extending his hand to Merlin. He shook it attentively.

"I'm Merlin; this is my friend, Elena"

"Hello" He smiled. "So, what do you guys do?"

"Well" Elena started. "I'm a receptionist, and Merlin here is the administrator for Avalon"

"Sounds very..."

"Boring" Merlin laughed, "Mind numbingly boring"

Mordred grinned, a bit sheepishly. "I didn't want to say anything, but yeah"

"So, Mordred what do you do?"

"I work for an insurance company"

"Boo" Elena said, sipping her drink.

"Elena, don't be rude" Merlin couldn't help but laugh.

"No, no it's fine, really. I actually get that a lot, I think someone's been dissing on my job" He said, pretending to pop his collar, and Merlin threw his head back and laughed.

"At least you get a decent response from your job, I just get 'oh, that sounds interesting'"

"A blatant lie" Elena pointed out.

They talked some more, before Elena decided – very subtly – that she was going to leave them alone, calling for a taxi.

They talked and drank until the bar closed and they were thrown out. So, they walked the streets of Cardiff aimlessly.

"I liked it in there" Merlin said, his words slurring slightly

"Me too, I didn't want to go"

"Yeah, but they threw us out" Merlin snorted, and bravely entwined his fingers with Mordreds.

"I think the suns coming up" Mordred said with a smile.

"Oh god, I don't ever stay out this late" He was being backed against a wall now; Mordreds face just inches away from his. And he was beautiful, and kind, and right, he wanted nothing more than to kiss him.

His lips were soft, and gentle. Merlin snaked his hands around the other mans neck, as Mordred cradled his face like he was made of glass. He'd never been kissed like this before. Like he was precious and important, like he was truly wanted. But he wasn't Arthur.

It wasn't a big deal. He'd kissed a bloke. He'd enjoyed it. He shrugged it off.

He knew for a while, actually. That maybe he liked men. So what? He was still Arthur. So, he went on a few dates with Cenred, even invited him to the pub.

He was nervous about that, kind of throwing himself into the deep end. Instead of telling his friends that he may like men, he'd just show up hand in hand with one, what could possibly go wrong?

As it turned out, not a lot could go wrong. No one seemed to care; they just got on with their evening, including Cenred in their conversations, which Arthur was eternally grateful for.

But, it was on a lazy evening in, that Arthur that maybe, just maybe he was compensating for Merlin not being there.

He pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind, though. Of course Cenred wasn't replacing Merlin. That was ridiculous. Merlin was his best friend, and Cenred was his boyfriend.

It was a Friday afternoon, an hour from finishing time, when Nimueh called Merlin into her office.

Nimueh; Avalon's CEO was startlingly beautiful, with an ice cold heart that would freeze you with just a look if you got on the wrong side of her. He'd seen it many times before, and had no desire what so ever to be on the receiving end of that look.

"Merlin" She said gleefully, her unnaturally blue eyes shining. Oh god, this is where it all ended. She was going to glare and he was going to shatter into a million pieces. Someone needed to tell his Uncle Gaius that he loved him. "Sit down, please, don't look so scared, you're not in trouble"

"I'm not?" He asked, confused. He sat down on the grey hard seat.

"Quite the opposite, actually"

"Okay" Merlin said slowly.

"As you probably know, Avalon is doing well, Merlin. So well that we're opening another office"

"Oh" He said "That's great"

"It is" Nimueh smirked. "I want you to go there, with a select few others, of course to help run the new office. I can't be at two places at one, obviously. So you and George will run it together. I know, he's dull but he's great at his job. I thought the two of you together would be a good combination"

"Wow" He sighed "That's – I don't know what to say, thank you"

"You're pay will go up with the new role and responsibilities. Of course, while the building's being set up, we'll give you a chance to find yourself somewhere to live. You'll have a few weeks to get settled, paid obviously"

"You mean it's not in Cardiff?" His stomach sank slightly at the thought of leaving his apartment behind. His friends and Mordred.

"I'm afraid not. We need to go where we're needed, and London seems to be a high demand area."

"London" He said slowly. Oh no.

"Yes, I believe you moved from there? You'll have no problem settling into the city. I've heard it can get quite busy. Much more than here"

"Yes, busy indeed"

"Well, I'll email the details to you. You leave next week, so I'd get packing" She smiled, and Merlin took that as his cue to leave.

That night, he scoured the internet for apartments in London in his price range, which had gone up, yes, but he still couldn't find anywhere he liked. His old apartment had obviously been rented out, but he could afford to buy this time.

Mordred curled around him like a cat. "I'll miss you" He sulked

"I'll miss you too, Mordred, so much but – "

"I know, I know. If it was me, I'd take the job too"

"I wasn't really given much of a choice" Merlin snorted.

"Yeah, your boss sounds pretty scary"

"Scary is not the word I'd use, Mordred"

"What word would you use?"

"I wouldn't, that's how much she scares me. She's like medusa"

"Sounds horrifying" Mordred smiled, nipping at his ear and winding his hands around his waist, making their way down towards the zipper on his trousers.

"Don't distract me; I'm trying to look for apartments"

"Don't get distracted then" Mordred smirked, slipping his hand down the front of his trousers, stroking him. His other hand roaming up his shirt.

"Oh fine" He snapped, putting the laptop on the floor and lying down on the sofa. Mordred kissed him hard, pinning him down on the sofa.

"I don't want you to go" He murmured against his mouth

"I know" Merlin soothed. "It'll be okay"

London was exactly how he remembered. People were either too busy to look where they were going; rushing around at top speed. Or too slow for him to tolerate, stopping to smell the roses and take in every shitty detail.

It took a couple of trips to get all his stuff to London on his bike, but he made it eventually. Gaius has sold his car, like he'd requested when he brought the bike, so he really had no other way of getting down there. He unpacked slowly, over a week or so. Luckily, he had enough money to buy the bare essentials, like a bed and wardrobe. It would take a while to fully furnish the place, but that was alright, he wasn't planning on going anywhere anytime soon.

As he sat watching telly that night, his thoughts roamed to Arthur. London was a big place, he didn't have to see him, and he could carry on hiding. He really felt bad for leaving without telling him, but in the long run, it was probably for the best. He still ached at the loss of his best friend, but he'd get over it.

He started work three weeks after moving back to London, the office was ready, and Nimueh was there for the first month to ensure the place started off smoothly.

He had to admit, he enjoyed his work more now, even if George was the dullest man to ever walk the earth. He got kicks from playing practical jokes that man never really did understand.

Driving his bike to work every day wasn't nearly as fun when you couldn't go fast, but he got out of most the traffic, which was a massive bonus.

His relationship with Cenred really didn't last all that long, but that was alright by him. The break up was mutual, and they parted as friends. But he learnt a lot about himself from the few months he was with him.

He still longed to see Merlin. Every skinny dark haired man he saw in the streets made his leap, then sink with the realisation that it wasn't him. He wondered how he was, where he was living, if he had a job, a girlfriend, if he was enjoying his life now. He wanted nothing more than the man to be happy, he was his best friend after all, but he wanted him to be happy with him.

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To say it was raining would have been the understatement of the century. The rain hammered down mercilessly, and thunder rumbled in the air, deep and unforgiving.

Merlin considered getting the tube to work, but he really didn't know which stop to get off at. He was going in late for a change; it was the deal he and George had made between themselves for today. He'd go in late if George could leave early. Apparently he had a date. Merlin had just snorted, and wondered to himself if he should send the poor unsuspecting girl a good luck card in Braille.

The roads were quieter at this time of day, and he could go faster than he usually would going to work. The rain gathered on his helmet and annoyed him to no end. He should stop, really and clear his helmet, but the rain kept coming and he was going to be late.

Rounding a corner, he never noticed the car coming towards him, faster than it had any right to be going. The horn blared, but it was too late. The Car smacked into the side of him, pain shot through his leg as he was thrown off his bike and landed hard on his arm.

Pain overtook him, screaming through his body as the world around him slowed. People were shouting, at him? To him? To each other? He didn't know. They sounded too far away to make any sense; all he wanted to do was sleep...

For a Thursday morning, A&E was surprisingly quiet. He dealt with a boy who had fallen out his bed and broken his arm, and woman with a broken jaw who 'fell and hit it on the table' (Yeah, like he was going to believe that the way her husband glared at him) and a baby with a rash, which turned out to be a lipstick mark.

He stood at reception, filling out paperwork, when Morris called him.

"Dr. Pendragon! Ambulance is coming in now, Motorcycle got hit by a car, and we've cleared a space in x-ray already"

"Motorcycle – Jesus, who in their right minds would ride a bike in this weather?! It's pissing it down!"

"Tell me about it, I've seen more kids smeared across the roads from the bloody things than I'd like. Here's his file, Kid's only 26, Ambulance should be here in 10"

"Thanks, Morris" Arthur said, flipping the file open, his heart stopped for a moment.

No no no no no! It couldn't be.

But it was. Merlin Balinor Emrys. The words screamed at him.

Why? Why him of all people?

He checked through the allergies and past admissions. Nothing new since he'd last been in London, giving him no indication of where he went.

The emergency contact was still Gaius, though, so he handed the file to Gwen so she could make the call, and went outside to meet the Ambulance.

They'd taken off his helmet, which was a good sign already, he wasn't showing signs of back or neck injuries.

"Merlin Emrys" The Paramedic announced as he pushed the trolley with Merlin in to x-ray. "26 years old, was hit by an oncoming car and threw off his bike. Possible broken right leg, left arm and collar bone. He's been trying to move and has been quite responsive, no sign of neck or back injuries. BP's high; 160/90. He's been drifting in and out; we've gotten as much information as we could about his injuries from him. All yours doc"

When Merlin came out of x-ray, he went to get casts on his arm and leg, and then Arthur put him in a room so the nurses could hook him up, and he looked at the results.

As suspected, no neck injuries, although he may have some trouble with his back. Shattered shin bone, broken arm and wrist, two cracked ribs, dislocated shoulder and broken collar bone. No sign of head injury luckily, just a split lip where it looked like he bit it.

All in all, he was probably lucky to be alive. He wasn't awake yet, so he went and found Gaius.

"Arthur!" Gaius nearly shouted when he saw him, standing up.

"Gaius, I've come to tell you how he's doing" Arthur smiled calmly.

"Is he okay?"

"He's lucky, if I'm honest." He recited his injuries, and Gaius paled, sitting back down.

"Can – can I see him?" Gaius asked quietly.

"Of course, I'll take you through" Arthur took him to Merlin's room, where he was still not awake. Arthur didn't linger too long, reminding himself to stay clinical; this was his patient, not his friend. "I'll be back to check on him soon"

It wasn't too much later when one of the nurses; Sefa told him that Merlin was awake. She smiled fondly. "I'd say he's got some wits about him, being cheeky already"

That sounded about right. He made his way to Merlin's room, and stood outside listening to Merlin and Gaius talking.

" – Just a shame for poor George, having to work late and miss him date. I was going to send the girl a card in Braille for even going"

Gaius laughed. "Merlin, that rude"

"He made as joke the other day about polishing his keyboard; he's the dullest person ever"

"I'm sure that's not true"

"Sorry to interrupt" Arthur smiled, walking to the machine by the bed to check over Merlin's vitals.

"Arthur" Merlin gasped, blue eyes going wide and fuck; he'd tried to forget him, after he left. But how could he?

"Sefa tells me you're feeling better already"

The look of shock changed into some mischievous, something more Merlin. "Yeah, whatever drugs you've put me on are great, I think I need some to take away, slip them into Georges' Coffee."

Arthur laughed. "I don't think I can let you do that. You gave us quite a fright, though"

"That car came out of nowhere" Merlin said, shaking his head sadly. Arthur wanted to wrap his arms around him, stroke his hair and no. He couldn't do this.

"Well you're pretty lucky – "

"I don't feel very lucky!"

"I've seen enough people die in motorcycle accidents, feel grateful that you're not on that list" He told him earnestly.

Arthur went through the routine checks with Merlin, everything seemed as fine as they could be, all things considering, and he told Merlin that he could go home they next day as long as he was well enough.

He sat in the break room and fuck, when had he ever been attracted to Merlin? Surely he didn't feel this way before he left? Maybe he did.

He was confused, but he couldn't let that effect his practice. He discharged Merlin late the next day, when he was absolutely sure he was alright.

Merlin had forgotten how much broken bones hurt. No. Hurt wasn't the word for it. Agony was better. Gaius helped him back to his apartment, gave him his pain pills and put him to bed. The pills sent him a bit loopy if truth be told, so he just slept.

He got a card off George, which reflected him perfectly. A plain 'get well soon' on the front and he'd simply wrote 'from George' on the inside.

Oh, George. He thought affectionately. Someday, he might grow a personality and the birds would sing and the sun would shine glorious.

He phoned Nimueh, who was surprisingly nice, and said that he could work from home until he got his casts off. Said she's send him the work in a week so, to give him time to recover.

It was a couple days later, when Arthur turned up, saying he had a day off.

He sat next to the bed, and gingerly took his good hand.

"How are you feeling?" He asked quietly, watching him in concern. Merlin's heart threatened to leap out his chest, he was beautiful, even more so than he remembered.

"I've been better" He laughed humourlessly.

"I can imagine. Merlin, when they said it was you coming in the ambulance, God, I thought I was going to be sick. I hadn't seen you in so long then you come in, all broken and – " He took a deep breath. "What happened, to make you leave so quickly? Without telling anyone? We were worried sick, Merlin. Didn't have a clue where you could be, you told Gaius not to tell us!"

Merlin paled. This was exactly why he didn't want to come back to London. "I figured some stuff out – about myself. I needed time and space to – yeah"

"You could have talked to me, whatever it was, you could have told me. I'd have helped you, Merlin, I will always help you"

"Not this time"

They were both silent, thinking. Arthur looked at Merlin; he looked so young and vulnerable. His eyes roamed to the bedside table. There was a picture with Merlin, who was wearing a pair of pink oversized glasses and a feather boa. There was another man behind him, with his arms wrapped around Merlin's shoulders, wearing a pair of Orange glasses and a giant pink and yellow spotted bowtie. They were bother making ridiculously shocked faces, obviously trying not to smile.

"Who's that?" Arthur asked, gesturing to the picture

"That is Mordred"

"And Mordred is?"

"My boyfriend, well ex boyfriend now. We broke up when I came to London, figuring it would be too hard to keep a long distance relationship"

"You're ex boyfriend?" Arthur said voice carefully blank. Jealousy clawed at him, rearing its ugly head.

"Yeah, met him in a bar in Cardiff"

"You never said"

"Never said what, Arthur?"

"That you were gay?"

"It never came up in conversation"

Arthur thought for a moment. "Is that what you figured out, that you were gay?"

Merlin squinted "No, I figured that out when I was 16 and got high and kissed Valiant in the shed"

"What? You never told me that"

"It never came up in conversation"

"Stop saying that!" He shouted. "Sorry"

Merlin just nodded.

"It shouldn't have to come up in conversation; you're my best friend dammit"

"I'm sorry, I was scared, I thought..."

"What did you think, that I'd hate you cause you like men? That would make me pretty hypocritical"

"It would make you what?" Merlin said, stunned

"Hypocritical, Merlin. It means – "

"No, I know what it means, Clotpole, I just thought, I mean, all the girls"

"Never meant anything, Merlin"

"Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"It never came up in conversation" He mimicked, concerning well.

"Shut up, this is a big deal and you know it is"

"But that's the thing, Merlin. It wasn't a big deal. I kissed a bloke, and it felt natural and right and that was it. There was no big revelation; everyone just accepted it and we moved on with our lives. I didn't hide in the closet. Don't they say that we were born this way?"

"Oh, my god shut up. Don't quote lady gaga you are not a stereotype."

Arthur laughed, and brushed Merlin's cheek with his knuckles. "Why did you leave?" He asked quietly.

"I realised something, when I walked into the pub, you were sat there with Vivian on your lap and you looked so happy, laughing and – I realised that I was in love with you, Arthur. And I couldn't bare it, knowing that you would never see me like that, it physically hurt. So I ran full speed ahead back to Wales"

"You didn't have to"

"Well I know that now!"

"I'm sorry you felt that way. That you had to runaway that is. I'm not sorry you're in love with me" He smiled crookedly, and Merlins' heart surged.

"Cheeky"

"I think I'm a little bit in love with you, too. And you going made me realise that, and you almost dying on that death contraption – "

"It's names Kilgharrah"

" - Made me want to do something about it"

"Oh, great! What are you gonna do about it then?" He smiled mischievously

"This" He leaned forwards, catching Merlins' lips between his own. Painfully slowly, he kissed him. Savouring the feel of his soft, plump lips, remembering his taste, hell he could write poetry about the way that man kissed.

"I think we need to do that more often" Merlin panted with a grin.

"I don't plan on letting you go anywhere"


End file.
